SmartySkirt

Old Friends

I got the above fortune cookie at lunch the other day. It is surprisingly very true. I am going to be meeting up with a friend that I have not seen in a long time. She had kids and moved away to Chicago. Now, due to a freelance project I accepted before I was hired at my new job, I am off to Chicago and will be able to see her. It's a strange thing. We met in grad school where we both had aspirations of becoming college teachers. Needless to say, neither of us are where we thought we would be. She took time to have a gorgeous family full of boys, and now is starting out with seemingly a million different writing/web/content/photo projects. She sounds so excited, so full of energy and sees a future for herself that I think she thought might have been lost to her only a few months ago. 

I can't say I haven't been mopey the past few weeks (okay months) but I'm realizing I should take a page from her playbook. Just because things are the way they are right now does not mean they have to stay that way. Yes, intrinsically I knew this, but it took talking to her about her projects and hearing that excitement in her voice to really make it hit home.

I can do what needs to be done for the time being then work to change my life into what I want it to be. Chicago here I come.

Call Me Joan

I'm now officially the Queen Secretary Bee of an advertising firm. Yup. It's a job I did many moons ago, and was damn good at it I might add, but I honestly didn't think I'd be returning to it. However, times are what times are. It's an amazing opportunity and I know that I'm lucky to have the job. I will admit that I had a pretty serious meltdown though. I can honestly say I have been mourning the loss of my teaching career. I mean, I thought of myself as "a teacher." Because it wasn't just a job you know? I'm not "a secretary." I don't identify with the position in that way. I am a person who happens to do this to pay the bills now.

At least my "teacher drag" (pencil skirts and tie neck blouses) translates well to the new title, I get to be in the city every day instead of commuting 180 miles, I think I can learn a lot from my new boss and I can be financially secure. All good things right?

Now, off to book his tee time...

Flip Flop

I'm flip flopping a bit these days.

Here I am busting my butt, up late every night under stacks of grading and prep, for a job I don't have anymore. It's... deflating is the best way to describe it. For the next 2 weeks I do have a job. A job I adore. I really do. But I have to say it's getting difficult to stay motivated. It's difficult to put so much time and effort into something being taken away. I don't know. Maybe it's just "spring fever." The weather is gorgeous and, just like the students, I'd rather be playing outside somewhere.

On the other hand, as my teaching days come to a close, I am trying to relish each and every class that I have left. I want to engage with the students, enjoy the material, and really just 'be there' for these last few classes. I've noticed that I've set aside some of my more usual classroom ways and let free conversation fly. I have always let students say what they want to say but now I find that I really want to let them just be free for awhile. I am enjoying interacting with them on an even more personal level than I normally do.

Then... I look at the stack of admin paperwork and exams on my desk. And sigh.