SmartySkirt

Flummoxed

 

Flummoxed. Also befuddled, disoriented and discombobulated. Just as I am getting into the groove here in my role as Joan, I got an email offering me classes. My heart sank into my stomach and I felt sick. Not just classes, but classes from the school that made me want to teach. The school I always wanted to teach at.

The brakes screeched on my day as I sat and pondered what to do. I would love the teaching job. But, I made one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made and turned it down. For several reasons:

1- I committed to this new job and I want to live up to that committment.

2- I knew that even if I took those classes I would be in the same cash-flow hole in just a few weeks and scrambling for more part-time jobs.

3- Taking on classes for the love of teaching has put me in a very deep financial hole.

4- Keeping my new job will allow me to get out of that hole.

So yes. I made the very adult decision to stay. But I am still confused, confounded and even vexed. Did I make the right decision? Did I do the right thing? Only time will tell.

EB

 

The Cubicle Pit-Stop of Life

See that. Office supplies. Backed up by cold, grey cubicle walls. Behind me is a gorgeous picture window looking out onto the ocean yet somehow my little cubicle space of a world is so dark that I need a lamp. I'm officially entrenched here in secretary land. The people are very, very nice and I'm getting along. Making reservations, calendaring things, sending emails on behalf of other people. It's strange though. It really is. I took a long hard look in the mirror earlier today. I had to remind myself why I was doing this job and that I needed to stop romanticizing my teaching life. Hours in the car, low pay, minimal support. This is a great job and I'm very lucky to have it. Hey I signed up for benefits today! As in health insurance! Something I never had as a teacher. I just need to remember that this is a means to an end. To yet another life for me. I can do this.

Don't get me wrong. I still feel that I want to be doing something more "meaningful," long term I know that's what I want. But this is a necessary stop on the road to whatever that may be. I should enjoy the scenery. 

EB