SmartySkirt

Flummoxed

 

Flummoxed. Also befuddled, disoriented and discombobulated. Just as I am getting into the groove here in my role as Joan, I got an email offering me classes. My heart sank into my stomach and I felt sick. Not just classes, but classes from the school that made me want to teach. The school I always wanted to teach at.

The brakes screeched on my day as I sat and pondered what to do. I would love the teaching job. But, I made one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made and turned it down. For several reasons:

1- I committed to this new job and I want to live up to that committment.

2- I knew that even if I took those classes I would be in the same cash-flow hole in just a few weeks and scrambling for more part-time jobs.

3- Taking on classes for the love of teaching has put me in a very deep financial hole.

4- Keeping my new job will allow me to get out of that hole.

So yes. I made the very adult decision to stay. But I am still confused, confounded and even vexed. Did I make the right decision? Did I do the right thing? Only time will tell.

EB

 

Old Friends

I got the above fortune cookie at lunch the other day. It is surprisingly very true. I am going to be meeting up with a friend that I have not seen in a long time. She had kids and moved away to Chicago. Now, due to a freelance project I accepted before I was hired at my new job, I am off to Chicago and will be able to see her. It's a strange thing. We met in grad school where we both had aspirations of becoming college teachers. Needless to say, neither of us are where we thought we would be. She took time to have a gorgeous family full of boys, and now is starting out with seemingly a million different writing/web/content/photo projects. She sounds so excited, so full of energy and sees a future for herself that I think she thought might have been lost to her only a few months ago. 

I can't say I haven't been mopey the past few weeks (okay months) but I'm realizing I should take a page from her playbook. Just because things are the way they are right now does not mean they have to stay that way. Yes, intrinsically I knew this, but it took talking to her about her projects and hearing that excitement in her voice to really make it hit home.

I can do what needs to be done for the time being then work to change my life into what I want it to be. Chicago here I come.

Flip Flop

I'm flip flopping a bit these days.

Here I am busting my butt, up late every night under stacks of grading and prep, for a job I don't have anymore. It's... deflating is the best way to describe it. For the next 2 weeks I do have a job. A job I adore. I really do. But I have to say it's getting difficult to stay motivated. It's difficult to put so much time and effort into something being taken away. I don't know. Maybe it's just "spring fever." The weather is gorgeous and, just like the students, I'd rather be playing outside somewhere.

On the other hand, as my teaching days come to a close, I am trying to relish each and every class that I have left. I want to engage with the students, enjoy the material, and really just 'be there' for these last few classes. I've noticed that I've set aside some of my more usual classroom ways and let free conversation fly. I have always let students say what they want to say but now I find that I really want to let them just be free for awhile. I am enjoying interacting with them on an even more personal level than I normally do.

Then... I look at the stack of admin paperwork and exams on my desk. And sigh.

Life of Crime?

While sitting in the shared room that is the faculty “office” at one of my schools, a fellow teacher asked me what I'm going to do for work. He says he wakes from nightly anxiety dreams with the conclusion that he has two options: go back to school for another Phd or turn to a life of crime. You know... become an "arch villain." He does worry about costume choice for his life of crime however.

It seems silly and outlandish, but the truth is a lot of academics are only trained for one thing... academia. According to the outside world that is. Truth be told we can navigate the corporate world like champs. We have so many random skills that go along with our gigs that it's laughable. PowerPoint, Excel, meeting planning, managing, technical writing, evaluating data... what do you think teaching is? All that plus navigating the red-tape of schools that are run as the businesses they are.

Unfortunately when HR managers the world over see our resumes they see “advanced degree,” “academic,” “won't take direction well.” It's frustrating trying to dumb down your accomplishments just to get the chance to tell someone how much you've accomplished.

As he and I swapped stories of HR reps and recruiters who out and out laughed at our resumes, I have to say... the idea of deciding what super villain outfit to don became more and more appealing.

Food, "Duh!"

 

Food. I know there's a huge "duh" factor here seeing as how I have a silly little food blog and food themed tattoos. But yes Food. When talking about switching careers with people in my life, for them, it seemed like it was a no brainer. I swear 98% said "you should be in food." I love to cook, I am a total Food Freak and I'm often wrangled to cook things for other people. Like lots of other people (I've currently been conscripted into the catering business by a certain bridal army).

It does make sense. There really are two careers I'm actively interested in right now and "food" is one of them. But how vague is that? What about food? What capacity? What do I want to do? Because "food" really, is a noun. Not an occupation.

I'm not sure if I want to make, sell, eat, taste, teach, draw, or serve food for a living. I truly am not sure. But I've got to see what's out there right? What exactly are my options?

I guess I'm going to throw my hat in the food ring tomorrow. There is an eatery (that I happen to think is amazing) and they need someone. I haven't been in the hospitality gig in yeeaaars. But who knows? It might just fit.

 

EB

The Big "B"

As I wrap my mind around the next steps my life will take I keep coming back to the question of the "Big B." As in, is my next step a "Plan B" career or is it a "Band-Aid" to tide me over a rough patch? Do I want to commit 100% to this next thing? Do I begin the hunt for something to put my all into or do I just stumble along in something while I try to pick up the pieces of my teaching career? Should I put teaching on the back burner and just do something to get by for the next while?

I did many other jobs while working towards my teaching goals, I was good at them I did but I didn't give them my all. I didn't look for fulfillment in those "jobs." They were just a patch to tide me over while I busted my butt at what I loved-- trying to make teaching a viable career. But now that my hands are tied and I'm playing a waiting game with my chosen career .... now what? I'm not a big fan of half-assing a job. If something is going to be my "main" gig, I'd like to do a good job and to put myself into it. I guess the question is, how much of myself am I going to commit to something else for now? 100%? 60%? 25%?

If I decide to commit 100% of myself to something else... what is that something else?

Life 101

 

 

As I was bemoaning my fate to yet another friend, it became clear that she had drifted away when she pondered out loud "What would you teach your students in Life 101?"... An interesting question no?

There are so many things I try to teach my students on a daily basis. Beyond the course material listed on the syllabus, I try to guide them in the best way I know how. I try to support them, I try to answer their questions, get them to see that there are other view points out there, try to pull them out of their sheltered selves.

As I think about just what I try to teach my students, I realize that there are a lot of School 101's that really should be condsidered Life 101's:

Know history. If you know what went on in the past, and why people did what they did, you will have a better understanding of the world around you and why it is shaped the way it is. Ultimately, you will have a better understanding of not just the world around you but the world at large.

Really listen. Listen to other's opinions. You don't have to agree with a single thing they have to say, but hearing a different point of view, and considering it as an option will open your mind in ways that are unexplainable. You will learn something, not just about someone else, but also yourself.

Ask why. Don't just accept information given to you. Ask why. Why did that happen, why did they do that, why does that look the way it does, why do we think that's the way things need to be? Beyond gaining a deeper understanding of the world you just might find that some wrongs can be righted simply by asking why.

Have respect. For yourself and others. Not just on-the-surface politeness, but actual respect. Acknowlege that you are a complete person. A person who has unique opinions, family problems, a rich cultural history, and interesting insights – just like the person sitting next to you in class does.

Have an open mind. There will be material, images, books, ideas, religious practices you are not comfortable with. Instead of immediately dissmissing these things, try to understand why others are not just comfortable with these things, but live by them. Your world becomes instantly richer as soon as you try this.

These are things I contstantly have to remind myself to do. Sometimes it's easier (and admittedly more fun) to be jugemental and dismissing, but really life is enriched when you accept others for who and what they are. For what they bring to the world, even if it's to solidify your own political opinions by dissagreeing so completely with someone elses, or to spring you into action against ideas that you find reprehensible. Especially if you've taken the time to understand why you feel that way. 

I guess what I would teach them would be to open your eyes, your minds, yourselves.

 

EB